Truth in my reality...

Last night, I came home from my men's group, the girls were asleep and San was waiting for me. She had just taken our oldest to a planning meeting for an activity she(daughter) loves. This planning meeting Sandra described was not what the activity to this point required of commitment. Up to this point the requirements were simple, twice a week on average. Now the truth is we have never driven our children this hard. On the verge of sounding judgemental, both of us do not think she is prepared for these demands, capable of the level of athleticism this will require, nor the commitment that comes along with all of this.

Here is the spiritual parallel for me, this flashed across the screen in my head and strangled my heart. I am so unprepared for life, this is uncharted ground, parenting. Everyday that passes the stakes become so much greater, requiring further investment, deeper commitment. I was parented the best mine could do, I wandered, floundered unprepared for life. I do not have an exemplary history to draw from, nor wish to live my past out. The ripple effect of our actions, the choices we make and how we encourage can make a difference. To this point our decision process has a track record of mistakes and victories. We find ourselves at a place of having to make many decisions for their future as well as ours. Truth, we have made mistakes that we are paying for now, cleaning up the wreckage of our past. We have struggled as a couple to be financially free, reality... still paying for choices made. We have been convicted to now make the difficult decisions, that will require discomfort and surrender on our behalf. Life right now is difficult, my history is to seek the short term relief to the long term problem, a finger in the dam. I stand at a turning point, to possess the integrity to humbly seek wisdom, becoming more responsible, understanding the implications of our decisions and making the choices that will build long term stability, encourage growth and impact our future...to be free from the bondage of selfish ambitions. "Lord prepare me..."