Surface level - Caution: Graphic in content

I have just this morning gone through removal of Basel cell carcinoma, not the trauma that others have to go through, but enough to get my attention. This whole process offered insight and understanding.
Though routine for them, not a bit of this is familiar to me.
Lesson 1. Trained medical care good, not just book smarts.....but practical application and success referenced in their "routine."

Area needing attention, removal "it looks small on the outside." Holy c&!p, what they had to remove below the surface was the size of the iceberg that sank the "Titanic"
Lesson 2. What I see is not always the truth, do not judge by outward appearance.


I kept asking to see it along the way, throughout the process, why? Really, why? You see I had an incredible vantage point as it was all happening in front of an eye! My view was the inside view looking out. It was like the instant replay examining the play from a different view. Or like child birth, incredible to watch as it happened in my life, not yours.
Lesson 3. Do not look along the way, it will scare you. Can you say "fugly?"

When removal complete, the real work begins. To think this pterodactyl crater on my face was not large enough. Everything was cut apart to rejoin. Literally, talk about vision, this was a bit like a Salvador Dali!
Lesson 4. Have a plan, mine, I am not the surgeon

Numbing medicine, good. Method of introduction, pain filled, but just for a minute;)
Lesson 5. When they say this will hurt a bit, it will!

Doctor and nurse kept making small talk, helped to pass the time, perhaps not the best time for my responses. I did more of the listening!
Lesson 6. To the medical professionals, "oops" not the most reassuring phrase one could hear in the middle of the procedure! Did get my attention, and spawned a response!

Overall lesson: I know what it feels like to be stung by angry hornets, hit in the face with a bat and it hurts to laugh at the whole experience. Good medical attention + loving wife + time to recover = 1 pretty face, I hope, could be the first time.

Thank you

First a shout out, to my wife's BFF, Chris! Who listens so that I do not have to hear it all! That's what friends are for, they are filters, they talk to each other about everything. Guys do not take this for granted, the importance of nuturing a wife's BFF. This way I do not have to know or hear about that pair of leopard print flats! Truly you are a friend, you continue to show us the goodness of God. Your friendship and love are a true testimony to Him. And besides, I owe you one for painstakingly reading this blog and my ever present inability to keep it brief! There will be a test later, so don't think you can skim!!!!!!!!!!!

To my wife, your sacrificial love I could not live without. The way you tend to our needs, devotedly serving, placing your life on hold to help me to mend. There is no greater hand for me to hold. When I hold your hand I know there is a presense, a security, a peace, an understanding that only your hand can bring. Your eyes hold the ability to read my soul, to encourage without even a word. Your voice shares testimony of living Grace, stirs my heart, lifts my spirit. Put these all together you get one lucky duck, that's me! Talk about Grace, an unwarranted gift......He's given it to me in you.
I love you

Confused & Conflicted

I guess the greatest reward of posting here, as with journaling is I have the say in what I can write. I was talking with a friend yesterday, he had spoken at an event, afterwards met a man that responded to his message. Not a positive one, no he was questioning something he said. A qualification he used, as a matter of fact he used the qualification, My name is ...and I am a recovering .......

I was talking to a another friend, he was getting me up to speed on a situation in his life. That situation is that his wife has an alcohol addiction problem. I have had many conversations with this friend, what to do, how to help. As I listened all I can think was the words, "she was sober for almost 3 weeks, now it is like she does not even care, it's everyday again." I have heard these words over and over throughout my sobriety. The words of despair, someone (a loved one) pushed to the point of absolute frustration. Well really, there is nothing he can do for her if she is not willing to change, I explained white knuckling was what she was doing in this period of time. The insidiousness & insanity of this disease, recovery can not be done alone. The decision must take place in the individual heart, the powerlessness and unmanageably that this (any) addiction brings to the addict. All he can do at this point is whatever he needs to for him, take steps to preserve his sanity and protect himself from the destructive behaviors of a raging alcoholic.

Ok now back to the first friend, the individual he met was someone who owns a counseling center. He suggested that my friend is either recovered or not, "saved or not saved" I guess would be the best way to put it. This makes my blood boil, first off it is a semantic issue, I do not care what qualification someone has, it is just that. You may be recovered....., I however am still recovering, I still see the way my addictive personality can control my responses. Thus I continue on the road to recovery, yes 23 years removed from alcohol. Isn't the most important part (for me) that I am not an active alcoholic? It took me 10 years into my recovery before the Lord became my Savior, my higher power. I am frustrated by the fact that a counselor, can have such limited view of addiction. By the way, you sir are entitled to your opinion, but to think that you are counseling others scares me. I believe Jesus Christ is Savior in my life and the reason I am here today, it was through the process of recovery that He was revealed to me. I did not put down the drink, and just skip off into the night with a transformed heart. Thank God, He has allowed me to be human, make mistakes and not judged me by my actions. He has loved me through it.......all of it. Sir, I would welcome you to sit with my friend (#2) and his wife, in fact I would pay for it if I could to have the word "divorce" removed from their solution. I know I did not have enough faith in the beginning to know He can heal my wounds, and deliver me.

Here is the questions I ask, why is pornography such a festering wound in the hearts of men? These are men who are husbands, fathers, teachers, leaders, laborers, whatever.... these are Christians, believers just as among those who have no faith. Why does a drug addict, crave a high, and sell their soul to get one? Why does an alcoholic forget what that first drink will "drag the depths of hell into their living rooms all across America...again?" Why does shame and guilt assault an addict, keeping them in the noose of addiction, even though they know they should not be doing this?

This brings me again to the message from Pastor, Sunday (http://www.elevationchurch.org/), you can tell me what I need to change, but you have to fill this that is being removed with solutions, options. Yes, faith is a solution and the only long term strategy for success. My point to you sir, there is only one lottery winner among the millions who believe winning is this easy. So let's believe in the healing power of the Lord, the Grace of God, together. Let's also understand that you sir offer an option as well, your counsel. My opinion of the value of what you offer I will keep to myself......and ask Him for forgiveness! Let's not look down upon the qualification, rather look at the investment, the potential and harvest the hearts that do not know the power and grace of God, whatever the path may be.

God could pull me from the depths of hell, but would I look beyond the miracle of healing and forget the work involved to get here? "the process is the point..." Pastor, thank you for the ammo you bring into my heart, TAB!

Resistance training

Years ago, while training with my inline racing team, our trainer came to us with a number of new techniques for improving our strength and endourance. One of the ideas, wearing a parchute on our backs, facing the wind and using nature's resistance. In keeping with the message heard yesterday from Pastor Furtick (www.elevationchurch.org), how when needing to change we have to provide solutions to fill what is being removed. Good luck following the tangability on this one, by no means is this representative for the message! Pastor spoke of our teenage generation, fitting to all generations, not to sell our birthrights. Not to seek instant gratification for the long term promise. Esau was hungry, starving (so he thought), he saught the immediate gratification rather than holding steadfast to his birthright, instead settling for a bowl of beans & branded with a label (Gen. 25: 27-34).
Ok here goes a parallel in my mind.
I hated the thought of dragging the wind. I was dedicated to train, winning and all that was needed to win. Winning is a process, leading us to the point of success. You get to a point in training specifically for "your event." You start with many things to alter and tweek, doing these you will make incredible strides, to cut time off your mile. You reach a point where it is not reducing time by a minute(s), but to remove seconds becomes difficult. You've become so lean at your discipline, seconds make a difference. So years and months of training and now I was faced with how to trim time further, taking seconds off. "Strap that parachute on your back and let's train." Into the wind, training on the shore, so there is plenty of wind to try and hold you back.
You find that your form and technique have to be in absolute unity. If you get your head up, you become more upright, catching air, it will pull you back. If your arms are not in sync you expend valuble energy, off from the cadence of your legs. Focus your leg motion on power, 90 degrees to your body so they do not create drag, but complete the energy transfer. Refine the technique for complete function from your form. See this parachute will now expose the techniques that I must change to improve, without this refinement I become more vounerable to the forces around me.
To me this parachute is like life in a way. We face all sorts of challenges that will expose us, our character. Make changes in my life and heart, so that I can be more in tune with truth, His truth. To know that all of my actions may need to be refined, remove old behaviors, replace with the refined. Habits that must be exposed to grow (improve), changed. Inclusive to this change, I need to know what to put back in it's place, refined behavior, etc. or there is no winning. So the parachute is on my back, I am pulling the wind. Knowing that if I take the steps required in this training, I will cut seconds off my time. In this case the seconds are the things that pull me from my objective, straining my focus. The parachute is life as it pulls against me, my form and focus is what will refine my outcome. Filling in what was missing with new solutions, new methods of training, finding additional ways to win. Find the advantage from this parachute, do not be branded by what is around me in my life wanting to pull me back. Stand steadfast in my birthright......my heart is in His direction and so must all of my actions. Expose me for what I am , that I become what I can be..................
It is a journey as in my daily walk with Him, I accepted Him and began to see the larger changes, now disclosed are the more subtle details. Standing taller in front of me are these subtle forms which require additional change. They require more devotion to change, greater understanding of how to truly refine, grow stronger and more steadfast in Him. I must dig deeper.

Common Sense

Ok, today I was thinking this morning about "common sense." If common sense is so "common" why is it that many seem to possess so little or none? I think common sense does not come easy, perhaps it is a state of mind. Just an initial thought, may not hold any water to this theory, let me start to think it through.

I believe some people have little to no common sense, because it is something that requires thinking outside of ourselves. Beyond the walls of our comfort, to think outside of the realm of selfish (limited) thought. Often common sense comes into play when others are involved, it is an inherent condition. Common sense somewhere in the process questions "how does this affect something else, or how will this effect someone else."

There is "street smart," "savy," "logical thought," and many others, but they are often divorce of common sense, together they may help to instill some common sense, these are learned through experience or taught. No, I think common sense is more instinct, it seems a process like building something. Some people have to build one process at a time, having to retool at each step, only seeing things in 1 dimension. People who seem to have common sense are able to grasp a hold of the overall picture, somehow able to see through each step adding all of the steps together and use common sense to keep from retooling (starting over) at each step. The ability to see more in 3-d, while assembling in our thought process, natural instinct constantly adds input throughout the way, to refine and organize dimension in thought.

I want to prequalify again, this is not really thought out theory, perhaps someone like my sister educated in brain function, motor operation and neurological condition can help with the truth of this. To me "common sense" may be more like the a definition of humility -"teachability." I struggle with relationships with those who appear to have little common sense. It is like throwing a ball against a jagged wall, you never know really where the ball is going to bounce back. Just as you find the spot to throw the ball it hits an edge and bounces in a different direction,"I did not see that coming..." There is no predictibility when there is no common sense.

I believe in my life I have areas where I may have limited (or no) common sense. Areas where self defense, selfishness or false ambition over ride and short curcuit the common sense process. Finding myself worked into a corner, not having prioritized the order, or thought through the process. It is a "headstrong" (selfish) order of thought. These areas needing change are a little like"kryptonite" to Superman, paralizing, weakened in the knees and unable to find strength. I need to remain humble, I need to be teachable. I know "kryptonite" is an outside influence on Superman, so I know that if I seek the inside strength of the Spirit common sense will prevail!

White knuckle

I have spent many years surrounded by this term, "White Knuckling." Over 23 years ago God moved in my life in a big way, moving me from the insanity of addiction to sobriety. "Doing the same things over and over again, expecting different results." I have found in my life and many I have been in contact with throughout the years this is a pattern in the addictive personality. The circumstances and stories vary somewhat, the recovery process remains the same. God moved in my life, removed the alcohol & drugs, for me life did not change, no it actually exposed the personality that remained, the addictive behaviors that would need to under go absolute change. I was exposed to the term "white knuckling," take away the reaction (the way in which I acted out as an escape, i.e. alcohol, etc.) and I found myself needing to under go total transformation. I would have to change behavior, response to circumstance and deal with a heart issue. This is not easy, and perhaps the reason most find recovery difficult and will return to the very behaviors without lasting change. The easy way is to "white knuckle it," just hang on. You start to feel better, you find some success, limited joy or simply a glimpse of freedom from the noose.
I have heard the analogy... if you have a problem with doughnuts and on your way to work each day you pass the doughnut shop, tempted by the passing of the doughnut shop, find a new route...this is part of the change required for success in freedom from doughnuts. It starts there, begins to foundation to build upon. See this may sound easy for those without an addictive personality, yet those that have it fight this battle, there is something that pulls us back in that direction.
Eventually, "white knuckling" will lead me to the same behavior. It is self reliance, believing I can do it myself, without help, half measures. The rituals eventually tempt the cumpulsive desire, thus triggering something inside that says it is ok, just once more, just one drink, etc... It is only a matter of time. I have met people who are "dry drunks," alcohol has been removed, you can tell there has been no transformation. They are the same people without the drink, they are getting by. I must stop thinking that removed from alcohol (or whatever holds me back) that I am better. I have found myself in many of these stages of my own life, what I see now is that I do not want to get by, I want to live life, I want joy, freedom from the bondage. I must implement a strategy to be free from shame and guilt that hold me back from the "Blood of Christ." I have to stop living on the surface, remove the alcohol in an alcoholic is the only place to start and the most important part in the process initially, transformation is the long term success in changing all that holds me back from the Grace of God. The footwork breaks the cycle of addictive behavior.....this changes the heart through actions, this opens the doors and breaks the chains allowing God to become Lord of my life. For me I could not get sober thinking I can not drink alcohol for the rest of my life.....I had to find freedom in the footsteps. It is too daunting to have a vision without the strategy to get there. Vision is great, vision does not deliver me from bondage without work on my end. I have to pray continually that I may not lose focus on the big picture, this is where He comes in. That He may strengthen my steps, that the choices I must make along the way are aligned with the vision, not choosing a white knuckle approach to life. Making the efforts to transform my heart, no longer seek mediocrity (just getting by), left to my own devices, I will short change what He has in store for this transformation, the vision will be unattainable.
So take away the addictive issue, where can I apply this to my life today. First, let me rehash the thought I have not had a drink of alcohol in 23+ years. I could never have imagined 23 years ago I would be here. I could not see how to get here standing at the door step, I came from a life based around alcohol. I had no history of life without it, how could I have invisioned it. I have to take the first step and trust that Him to shape the vision, show me the strategy one day at a time. What do I need to change, what's my part in this transformation? Now to move on, let me say each day presents their own hurdles, it is a process to be tranformed, nor do I know the timeline of transformation. It can not take place without the work, the footsteps, I am assured it will take place, so my part is to make the efforts required and He will move on my behalf. Today, I must insure freedom by my actions, just as they were - they still are. Identify the triggers and rituals that hold me back, do not live in shame, live in Grace. Success does not manifest itself in oppression. Success comes from faith, faith in something - a vision, believing it is attainable, doing my part and leaving the results up to God. My measure of success is not His (this is where prayer comes in), see I came to the doors of A.A. needing to get sober, not knowing how to get sober. Through a continued transformation, not only did I get sober, I've remained sober. Eventually, I was able to percieve sobriety (not knowing how, but having hope), so I was able to recieve sobriety (hope transforming through action). I can apply this to all of my life, He discloses the changes that need to take place, I may not know how, through actions to initiate change, he will complete the change. I have to break the cycle of "white knuckling" in all areas of my life and know that completion is made through complete surrender.

Thanks

I wanted to start this morning, no God placed on my heart this morning a feeling of joy and gratitude. As I walked into the shop, I was overcome with the emotion of thanksgiving. The feeling was paralizing, I am grateful for what I have. I used to live "wanting," it never seemed I was content in what I have (had).
Occassionally, I walk through the shop with this feeling, rejoicing. Where God has brought us, Sandra & myself, so many blessings. We have seen moments of despair, insecurity, a range of emotion that is easy to focus upon. God's Grace would be the only explanation for lifting us from these pits. Today, I rejoice in the Love He continues to disclose to us. This shop is awesome, to think 14 years ago in Charlotte area I came with a 24' truck holding all that I owned. Now spread over 7500 sf is equipment, materials and projects in the works. It has been a long road, with many turns, long hours and hard work. It is a struggle many can not understand, owning a business, decisions and finding a balance (often still struggle with). My hands have a talent, He blesses my labor. My head has a vision, He shows by what we build here. I want to serve Him, He shows me the areas in my life I must surrender, rely on Him and He will disclose the road in which He wants us to follow.....
So I praise you, Father. It is all too easy to walk with my head down, you call me to lift my head and look up. Look where I am going......if I remember correctly as our girls were learning to walk, they did not focus their attention on their feet and what they were doing. No, they were looking up, often with a smile, looking to one of us as we encouraged their steps. "Father, I see you more clearly each day, help me to raise my head, may my focus be upon you as you encourage my steps....." Thanks must go to you, Jeremiah B. as I watch you learn to walk, to remind me to look up!
Pastor, Thanks, thanks, thanks.... "What I perceive is what I receive...." Thanks to you for your uncompromised Faith, your investment in my heart, your leadership and your vision. Never settling for anything less than your calling, your gifts and life filled with Christ. You have an energy that is nothing less than contegious, magnetic and dynamic. I am finally, thanks to Him in a place to perceive this vision, thank you for challenging me.
Sandra, thank you for allowing me to make mistakes, room to grow, and encouraging me daily. Today I rejoice in the blessings of your believing in me, trusting in Him and leading the way. How often your words to me lift my heart, "I see greatness in you...I am excited in what He is doing in you..." These words are simple to type, but gripping as I type them, tears well up in my eyes as I think of you, all that you have giving to me. Thanks, seems to simple to say, to someone who shows loyalty, commitment and unconditional love like you do. I still get that "falling chair" feeling when I think of you.
Russ, my accountability partner, you've seen me through.....(many blanks to fill in!), prayed for me and shown greatness of character not allowing me to "rest on my laurels." If I am not moving forward I am moving backwards......
Larry B, you charge & challenge me. You remind me if I am not stretched..... I am not growing. You exemplify the fruits of the Spirit, you are a noble warrior.
Kim, my loving sister -you shared a quote 20+ years ago that ring in my heart everyday. "The key to authentic life is self honesty........." I have been searching for this understanding and I know I am on the right path.
Lord, I praise you for helping me to see something greater than what's in front of me not looking down. You lift my eyes, stengthen my steps and fill my life with greatness...........the people around me.

Psycological Thriller

Last night I found myself with my girls, Sandra was out, so we were hangin'. Found myself searching for a TV show that we could watch together. So we ended up watching Howie Mandell, "Deal or No Deal." This was an episode that had 13 - $1,000,000.00 cases and 13 from .05 - whatever. (Sidebar - it is times like this I miss the cent symbol!) Ok, on with the blog. It did not take long before I was invested, it is not an edge of the seat investment, it is the psycological investment. In a moment I am invested in the contestant, their story, the family trials. A lump developes in my throat, tears well up in the corner of my eyes. Yes take my "man card," whatever. I am praying she is able to make the right choices, the intersesting thought to me is that she came to the show with nothing to loss, yet somehow it is gripping. Perhaps this is a story in itself, if she came to gamble her life savings I would say, "that's foolish." Is it a deserving soul, a reward for someone's struggles or what? The episode continues to develope, bouncing between 50 - 50 chance at a million dollars, segment after segment she is faced with the continued decision. She believes with her heart she has a case with a million dollars, and I, not knowing who she is, am pulling for her, wanting her life to be blessed. Adnausium we are pulled and bounced from decisions and the emotion of the moments to go for it... to commercial breaks. Reality each time we go to a break, this is what it is truly about. Buy, sell, market your products etc. but back to the show. Again she states she believes with every decision she has a case with a million, risks it each time, not to settle to push on. "The process is the point...." She believes, I am pulling for her, the offers keep getting better. Now the payoff, she is down to 2 cases, the one she holds and the one left on stage......$1,000,000.00 and $200.00. The offer comes in with all of Hollywoods grandure, an offer of $400,000.00 +/-. She still believes she has the case holding a million. Just when I want her to pull through, she throws a curve ball, she can not risk her families future on this gamble of "does she hold the right case; 50-50 chance she does." Her intentions and reasoning, I could not disagree with, that is a tremendous amount of money. $400,000.00+ can change life for them. She accepts the offer from the "Banker" (is this Satan on the phone?!) and takes the lesser, my emotions shift to dejection. I wanted her to trust her gut and believe in her heart. I do not think it is judgement on my part, I was just pulling for the story of their life. After all this emotion of the last hour, she settled.....then they open her case to find she was holding a case of a million dollars, then the on on stage......$200.00. She had the right case, she still "finished strong," really having nothing walking on the show and still walking away with a return. My thoughts are, "did she sell herself short on what she believed?" I hope this is not blasphemy, to parallel this to God's Grace, it does raise the question to me, "am I willing to walk with Him trusting in Him, no matter what emotions, offers or hurdles are disclosed along the way.....

I have a steadfast faith that God will deliver in my life, and do not for a moment believe it can be changed by Hollywood, some gamble - foolishly risking all that I stand for by compromise. I came into the world with nothing of the world and will leave with nothing from the world. My responsibility is to do my part to walk the walk, to effect others, simply, put practical applications to my Faith. To believe with all my heart in what has no tangible explaination....God's unfaultering Love. I have to believe in something higher, I have to be the same person under trial (James 1:2 -6), every day offers the opportunity to make choices. It can not be compromised by something speaking into my ears that sounds better than the fortitude of Faith. Perservere............James 1:12.

So one lesson I came away with was, there are no easy answers, no offers that come along that should deviate my direction in Him. Another is to know that my heart strings can be twisted, tangled and pulled by outside forces, in this case a television show catching me up in the emotion of manipulated psycology. "I have to be careful who is speaking in my ear..........." Again, I praise my Savior and the communicator He has given me, a shepard and leader in my life, Pastor Furtick (http://www.stevenfurtick.com/) who challenges me with practical application, the Living Word and seeking His Wisdom.

Ambition

I think the older I get the more I begin to understand ambition, perhaps it is because I recieve more clarity of who I am, and who I am becoming in Him. I jumped into my truck last week to head to work, the morning was one of those mornings the windows were fogged up, with some frost on the windshield. I began to think about this phenomonon, well mind set, I scraped the windshield and wiped the inside. In other words I prepared my drive to safely travel the roads, allowing my clear view from the "cockpit of my truck," I headed out from my driveway to find I had to pull over to have better vision from my seat. Easily I could have continued my drive focusing on the very small hole of clear windshield, while the majority of windshield was covered in "fog." At that moment I was overcome with the feeling I was not smart about this start to my day. I leave very early in the morning for my shop, I do not want to disturb anyone at home with my truck warming up. So I am apt to jump in and drive, see my intentions are good, but perhaps not smart. Risking my safety or others at not having complete vision of the road in front of me, so I pulled over and let my windshield clear completely. How many times have I seen someone on the road during or after a snow, they only clear a small portion of their windows. This little tunnel of vision to try and navigate the roads, how stupid is this? It would seem that it is more stressful to drive this way focused on one little point of view. So many things are passing by, risking my safety or that of others. It would be like putting our kids into the car without seat belts and saying hang on - I guess really like it was when I was growing up! Well we have learned about safety over the years and I believe seat belts save lives, and life can change in a moment, that moment of time can not be stopped and taken back. Should something happen have I taken the precautions needed, have I prepared properly? I praise my parents for instilling in me a respect for others, it has made me stop at the door to hold it open for others, it has prepared me for serving others - doing something small for those around me. When someone drops something, let's say in line at a store, I will stop and pick it up. I will hold the door open for others even if it means I stop and let them catch up or go before me in a line, it is that moment in time that God gives me to serve, so small but it can impact me, them or someone else. Hang on, as this is where I will try draw a parallel and anology. As a younger man my amitions were to make money, for a long time to live life to the fullest, to do whatever I want. See I had a drinking problem as a youth.....my ambition was to turn 21 so that I could drink legaly in any state in the Union, I found myself sober at age 21 and I have not had a drink since then 23 years ago! My ambitions have evolved and changed, today I seek Him first. I no longer want to start my day with tunnel vision, one point of view to see life around me. I would only limit myself to what I see, I leave myself open for an accident or life to pass me by without seeing everything around me. To be in such a hurry to get somewhere that I short change myself or others in the process. Yes, ringing in my ears is a message from Pastor Furtick (http://www.stevenfurtick.com/, http://www.elevationchurch.org/) "The process is the point...." To miss that opportunity to serve Him even in the smallest of ways, holding that door open for someone else....for the smallest of things are the very details of His glory. I have to slow my day down start with a focus on Him, pray and reflect His goodness...to see what He wants me to see. Life is not point A to point B, but how I get there prepares me to be all I can be. Do I stop to pick up that can on the sidewalk or do I pass it by. Perhaps, this is not God speaking to me by picking it up, but I argue what if it is, even if no one sees me doing this. I pick up coffee and biscuits every Sunday morning for people at church, those serving to make a worship experience happen for others, so I could just pick it up, drop it off and people get something or do I take some ownership from this opportunity. Seeing my Savior giving me the opportunity to touch someone along the way, to share a "Good morning", or invitation to someone to join us at Elevation Church, or simply not in such a hurry to get to point B. These little things allow me to set a foundation to build upon, whether just in me developing in Him or a foundation for another relationship, an opportunity to see things around me. God proves to me on a daily basis I can not understand His ways, all He does in the lives of others or what He wants me to be, by staring through one spot in my windshield. I need the defroster on to clear my vision, for me my defroster is my continued focus on Him. My ambition is for Him to complete me as a man, husband, father, employer, craftsman.....a servant in Him. He will work the other things out, I need to show up, grow up and live in Him. I would only limit the power if His vision and my ambition was limited to what I can see.....Focus larger, use the whole windshield.

Ode to my small group!

Entrusted with the charge - It's ok it's not so large

The two of you.....not meant to meet
One so soft - One so sweet
I hold your weight, the reward so great
All eyes on the prize

We anxiously await - we are going to celebrate

I held you tight - it's not a fight

You sit, you rest, embroidered with a crest

Piping so bright, it is such a delight

The words spell out the reason we're here

With friends gathered so near, they are all so dear
Our hearts we share, we pray, we laugh, we cry
For we are here to encourage, not to be discouraged

We are here to raise and give Him Praise
In a moment - a flash - without even a crash

One meant for a plate, one meant for the feet

I have suffered a great defeat...........

In that moment..........Cake and carpet meet





Yes, yesterday I asked for humility and found myself humbled!
I was holding the cake for our anniversary, and watched as it slipped from the tray it was on, I might add - in slow motion. Helplessly, watching as if on America's Funniest Home Videos! Completely my fault, the range of emotions in an instance. Embarrasment, disappointment, laughter the fear of letting others down............ This perhaps in the past would trigger a wound of the past, yet it happened and yes it really is not a big deal. What I was faced with was the humor of the moment, laughter, hey what can I say it was an accident. Unfortunetly, you really had to be there to appreciate the moment in time. Undoubtedly, I will be recieving photos of the afterglow of icing on the carpeting, so orange, so bright, the cake now distorted. What I was met with was dignity, no disappointment, no dispair without even skipping a beat. I am laughing so hard right now tears are in my eyes.....All I can say is thank you God for the moment in time. And surely I will bear the brunt of the jokes, photos and memories of when..... That is ok, when it happened I could have been faced with other memories, without skipping a beat a response crys out "that is awesome" from our small group leader, John. No one in the room even felt disappointment. What can I say, the joy is in the journey! Everyone met this with laughter and reflection, and of course explaination of what just happened for those that may not have seem this happen. Agape love, the greatest of these is love, God gives you what you need. Just hammers home Pastor Furtick's (http://www.elevationchurch.org/) message in the Series "Entourage." Who do you surround yourself with? Who is speaking in your ear? I give thanks to God for wrapping me in His abundance and surrounding me with people who are walking in Him. Something that could have been bad memory was turned to something that is a funny memory and I praise Him. Even my bride, Sandra stated to me later that she does not ever remember a moment in our 13 years when I was so embarrased! Yet, God met me with dignity, love and laughter. To my small group I thank you.....for walking in His Spirit, meeting me where God intended us to be. It is truly a joy to be a part in Him with you all, you all show me His Love and Abundance. To you I continue to pray "Show me your way"
Many thanks, Chris

Start Smart

Hanging on yesterdays blog, I guess it's a good place to start! Mine is to enter what I type, as a reader your is to try to peice it together, good luck. Ok, I think perhaps all of the work analogies are really just an example for life. As so much of who I am is the same in life, professionally or at play. It just seems I see my shortcomings more clearly at work, they become more exposed daily than at home. Though I know my wife, Sandra, knows of them more than any other human, and loves me anyway. I must be challenged to find success in life. I must be exposed for who I am, thus the challenge. "Disfunctional families do not just give us defective software for dealing with life; they can traumatize and scar our souls." (Pure Desire by Ted Roberts) Somewhere in there must be the answer. Wow, am I really willing to get into that stuff here? Probably not, delving too deep into that without real interspection would do me no real good. I will offer this thought, I have always been in for the flash and fade like fireworks. Another way to think of it may be, short term relief for the long term problem. If I was to give up where I am to act out in an appropriate manner. See I have always given up on the promise somewhere along the process, check out Pastor Furtick's message in week 4 (http://www.elevationchurch.org/) of the "Made"series. Awesome insight for me, he spoke of God having us on a journey (process) and never give up until God fulfills His promise, the payoff. This is why I am writing this, He is molding and shaping me to be a better man, the man He has meant me to be. So all of the moments in time leading up to this time, continuing to play out. So the scars and bruises from my youth and to date, play a part of whom I am becoming in Him. See now I can see the future, in that I see He has a promise, the process is the point, it is where greatness is shaped. The promise is the reward, it is whom I become throughout the process. So start smart, I must first find direction, for me God's Word. If I start with my focus upon Him, I can begin to see the "Broken Windows" (Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell) promise. Start with the small things and build a city from there. I have to say this plays out from a blog of a spiritual leader in my life (http://www.elevationbishop.blogspot.com/) and a message Pastor spoke to a couple of us fortunate men explaining this more clearly. I never set out thinking a blog was for me, yet profoundly I am finding myself thinking more about "things," now I have begun to start smart. I must purge ahead with the same tanastity and finish strong. Isn't life all about the change along the way? Learning lessons, from others and from that process more clearly understanding humility. Perhaps, that's where I need to start.......................

Just trying

Well, this is my first attempt at blogging. I have been spurred to start by others, their thoughts and opportunity to think aloud. As I type this is often the way in which I think, by writing. Just thinking about the thoughts that anyone would even be interested in reading those thoughts in my heart. I am spawned by the thought that starting with the small things, as Pastor Furtick (Elevation Church)has referred to "The broken window theory," Start with the small things, in my life - my motto for this year will be to "start smart and finish strong." An area of my life that needs work is the finishing strong, following through. I am a small business owner, struggling professionally, trying to share the vision of this business with my employees. I want them to take the same ownership of this business, well how do I do this? Well first I must implement a strategy, I must lead the way and they will follow, by example. My strategy would be first to begin with seeing my own vision, what do I want from life. I want to be a better man in all areas of life, so start first with the things I can change. Inside of me I am a craftsman, not an accomplished businessman. I thrive on creating, building and I often sell myself short of the value in what I do. I am learning that I do not need to worry about what other people think, do not worry about having more because the outcome will come from Him, not from what I do. This levels the playing ground as I am learning we all have our strengths. Not to rest on my laurels, but to know that He is molding me, often having to break me to reshape me. So it does not matter what I create if in the end I am not following through with the same strength I started. Like a good cigar, it is measured all the way through the "smoke" what happens throughout the legnth of the cigar. Flavors, draw, intensity......if in the end it does not leave a good flavor, I am less likely to return for another one of those. So the idea is to find a greater balance all the way through, for the entire length provide an abundance of memorable flavors. So my start is here, to begin by writing my thoughts, reflecting on what pours from my heart and pray to Him that He will abundantly fulfill His promise in my life. So today I must first start by asking why does the finishing strong wain in the end? Self examination, answer to follow.....as I learn. I must not be focused on the vision and translate this to all that work for us when I know better what I am searching for... clarity, vision and integrity all the way through............