White knuckle

I have spent many years surrounded by this term, "White Knuckling." Over 23 years ago God moved in my life in a big way, moving me from the insanity of addiction to sobriety. "Doing the same things over and over again, expecting different results." I have found in my life and many I have been in contact with throughout the years this is a pattern in the addictive personality. The circumstances and stories vary somewhat, the recovery process remains the same. God moved in my life, removed the alcohol & drugs, for me life did not change, no it actually exposed the personality that remained, the addictive behaviors that would need to under go absolute change. I was exposed to the term "white knuckling," take away the reaction (the way in which I acted out as an escape, i.e. alcohol, etc.) and I found myself needing to under go total transformation. I would have to change behavior, response to circumstance and deal with a heart issue. This is not easy, and perhaps the reason most find recovery difficult and will return to the very behaviors without lasting change. The easy way is to "white knuckle it," just hang on. You start to feel better, you find some success, limited joy or simply a glimpse of freedom from the noose.
I have heard the analogy... if you have a problem with doughnuts and on your way to work each day you pass the doughnut shop, tempted by the passing of the doughnut shop, find a new route...this is part of the change required for success in freedom from doughnuts. It starts there, begins to foundation to build upon. See this may sound easy for those without an addictive personality, yet those that have it fight this battle, there is something that pulls us back in that direction.
Eventually, "white knuckling" will lead me to the same behavior. It is self reliance, believing I can do it myself, without help, half measures. The rituals eventually tempt the cumpulsive desire, thus triggering something inside that says it is ok, just once more, just one drink, etc... It is only a matter of time. I have met people who are "dry drunks," alcohol has been removed, you can tell there has been no transformation. They are the same people without the drink, they are getting by. I must stop thinking that removed from alcohol (or whatever holds me back) that I am better. I have found myself in many of these stages of my own life, what I see now is that I do not want to get by, I want to live life, I want joy, freedom from the bondage. I must implement a strategy to be free from shame and guilt that hold me back from the "Blood of Christ." I have to stop living on the surface, remove the alcohol in an alcoholic is the only place to start and the most important part in the process initially, transformation is the long term success in changing all that holds me back from the Grace of God. The footwork breaks the cycle of addictive behavior.....this changes the heart through actions, this opens the doors and breaks the chains allowing God to become Lord of my life. For me I could not get sober thinking I can not drink alcohol for the rest of my life.....I had to find freedom in the footsteps. It is too daunting to have a vision without the strategy to get there. Vision is great, vision does not deliver me from bondage without work on my end. I have to pray continually that I may not lose focus on the big picture, this is where He comes in. That He may strengthen my steps, that the choices I must make along the way are aligned with the vision, not choosing a white knuckle approach to life. Making the efforts to transform my heart, no longer seek mediocrity (just getting by), left to my own devices, I will short change what He has in store for this transformation, the vision will be unattainable.
So take away the addictive issue, where can I apply this to my life today. First, let me rehash the thought I have not had a drink of alcohol in 23+ years. I could never have imagined 23 years ago I would be here. I could not see how to get here standing at the door step, I came from a life based around alcohol. I had no history of life without it, how could I have invisioned it. I have to take the first step and trust that Him to shape the vision, show me the strategy one day at a time. What do I need to change, what's my part in this transformation? Now to move on, let me say each day presents their own hurdles, it is a process to be tranformed, nor do I know the timeline of transformation. It can not take place without the work, the footsteps, I am assured it will take place, so my part is to make the efforts required and He will move on my behalf. Today, I must insure freedom by my actions, just as they were - they still are. Identify the triggers and rituals that hold me back, do not live in shame, live in Grace. Success does not manifest itself in oppression. Success comes from faith, faith in something - a vision, believing it is attainable, doing my part and leaving the results up to God. My measure of success is not His (this is where prayer comes in), see I came to the doors of A.A. needing to get sober, not knowing how to get sober. Through a continued transformation, not only did I get sober, I've remained sober. Eventually, I was able to percieve sobriety (not knowing how, but having hope), so I was able to recieve sobriety (hope transforming through action). I can apply this to all of my life, He discloses the changes that need to take place, I may not know how, through actions to initiate change, he will complete the change. I have to break the cycle of "white knuckling" in all areas of my life and know that completion is made through complete surrender.