Invested

I would like to qualify the fact that I am not a businessman by nature, I am a craftsman who has been blessed with a business. I struggle with management skills, in as far a knowing how to motivate, empower and share ownership in our business (figurative). Constantly finding ways to invest employees, working strategies to better refine their skills and our services. I am hit with the dynamics having to juggle personalities and limitations. To find the way of communication for each person, it is not a cookie cutter approach, but has to be tailored to what speaks to them. Drawing out their individual skill set in a way they improve & we all benefit in the function of the body. I believe I am blessed with people in our employ that are dedicated and loyal which speaks to the investment we make in their character and development. I strive for excellence in our performance, I know that everyone has the capability to lead in some way that others may see and learn. I try to work along side everyone, like training wheels, reassuring, encouraging them to think for themselves, at some point I step away allowing them to peddle on their own. In the end, I hope that I have empowered them to invest themselves in the vision and completion, stepping back and saying "look what has been done." Not to work with blinders that fosters limitations but to see and use all the tools and resources around them to face adversity and creativity, harvesting abilities.

My takeaways, this levels the playing field in such a way that we can all work together, learn from one another and improve what we become. If I try to hold on as they peddle I eventually hit my limitations, holding them back from what they can become. If I do not allow them to do for themselves, a dependency continues to build. I have learned from "teachers" along the way empowering me to excel, to invest and learn... "that I may pick up my mat and walk."

Listening...

Last night, youngest had soccer practice, so I dropped by the field to get kisses from my bride and picked up the oldest. I asked if she wanted to go to Starbucks to hang out, get a drink and enjoy some time. She was very excited and chatty, this raised excitement in me. We were greeted like Norm in "Cheers," friendly hello's. We ordered, bellied up to the bar, sat and talked. We enjoyed time, talked, viewed photos from someones trip to Greece (history lesson) all I could think of was the "priceless tag line from MasterCard ad!"
Here's some takeaways for me...

Father time is awesome, necessary and required for relationship. Not having this time I would not have known some vital information about her life. I spawned with little bits, she took off with the conversation, disclosing thoughts she has, what life is like for her, likes and dislikes. I shared some of my past, what life was like for me growing up and the very same fears, insecurities and how I have faced life growing closer to Him.
1. Time is a simple investment in growth and development.
2. Without this time, I would not know what I was missing.
3. Listening is often more important than talking.
4. Allowed time for her to pour into me, honest disclosure.
5. Priorities - what really counts in life.....relationship.
6. Disclosing fears reverses isolation, encouraging inspiration.
7. Even though we have time together most everyday...extra efforts pay dividends, my complete attention to her spoke volume's to my heart seeing the smile on her face.

Now, which relationship in my life can not benefit from this? Rather convicting to me, I praise Him in the understanding He discloses, often finding myself learning more from my children as we grow together......

oh, my bad...?

25 + years ago, I was living on my mother's porch, I since forgotten the details of this particular argument, I am sure I was drunk, what I do remember...saying to her "I'm sorry......" I distinctly remember her response, "Sorry, sorry is all you'll ever be, that's all you ever are, sorry...." I deserved it. Now take "sorry" and substitute "my bad" as it appears. It does not convey the same message or bear any real responsibility. I do not know where this term came from, it has become mainstream, somehow I can only feel cheated. Now please do not get me wrong "sorry" bears no weight unless it is placed next to responsibility...."I am sorry, please forgive me..." "My bad" rarely, if ever is followed by "please forgive me." Somehow "my bad" has diluted the need for ownership, character, lesson and humility.

Here's my take away, if it is here to stay, let's remember the difference of "simple sorry and righting wrongs." Let's not minimize our mistakes so much that no one ever experiences "freedom of humbly seeking forgiveness, correcting a behavior, not repeating a pattern."

Example 1. "I borrowed your car last night and hit a parked car, my bad..."
Example 2. Surgeon while you're under local anesthesia, "oh, my bad...."
Example 3. "I know how much you loved your ____, my bad..."
Example 4. $60k sander has a control wrench, misplaced, lost, swept away...carelessly....not returned to it's place "my bad..." (you know who you are!)
Example 5. The Lord says to the Father "I could do this for them, ...my bad..."

I just personally can not get my hands around this form of apology, nor do I use it, mostly because is carries no weight, impact or meaning. To me it is a deflection of responsibility when used in context of burden. If Jesus said, "Father, my bad, for they do not know what they are doing."

Last take away, when it comes out of your 8 year old.......it's kinda cute if applied in the proper application "oh daddy, I ate the last cookie, my bad..."

Faith and Sparks unite

Here is what a typical Sunday looks like @ Elevation Church. Thanks to Phillip , I stole this picture from his blog. Yes, this is what my faith should look like... sparks flying, banging of large steel drums, an energy that grips attention and triggers a primal instinct making the heart pound furiously. "On fire for Him." There is an unparalleled energy worshipping in this house of God, expect the unexpected, never the same and certainly everything but traditional sit up striaght, dress up and act grown up! Thump that Bible, takes a whole new meaning to me. Do not try and predict what God is going to unveil, He is bigger, better and larger. An energy that fills the heart not for an hour on Sunday, but for a move of God, daily.

Truth in my reality...

Last night, I came home from my men's group, the girls were asleep and San was waiting for me. She had just taken our oldest to a planning meeting for an activity she(daughter) loves. This planning meeting Sandra described was not what the activity to this point required of commitment. Up to this point the requirements were simple, twice a week on average. Now the truth is we have never driven our children this hard. On the verge of sounding judgemental, both of us do not think she is prepared for these demands, capable of the level of athleticism this will require, nor the commitment that comes along with all of this.

Here is the spiritual parallel for me, this flashed across the screen in my head and strangled my heart. I am so unprepared for life, this is uncharted ground, parenting. Everyday that passes the stakes become so much greater, requiring further investment, deeper commitment. I was parented the best mine could do, I wandered, floundered unprepared for life. I do not have an exemplary history to draw from, nor wish to live my past out. The ripple effect of our actions, the choices we make and how we encourage can make a difference. To this point our decision process has a track record of mistakes and victories. We find ourselves at a place of having to make many decisions for their future as well as ours. Truth, we have made mistakes that we are paying for now, cleaning up the wreckage of our past. We have struggled as a couple to be financially free, reality... still paying for choices made. We have been convicted to now make the difficult decisions, that will require discomfort and surrender on our behalf. Life right now is difficult, my history is to seek the short term relief to the long term problem, a finger in the dam. I stand at a turning point, to possess the integrity to humbly seek wisdom, becoming more responsible, understanding the implications of our decisions and making the choices that will build long term stability, encourage growth and impact our future...to be free from the bondage of selfish ambitions. "Lord prepare me..."

Leftovers

When I was young and lived at home, we always seemed to have leftovers, more often than the original meal, for a reason! My mother admittedly disliked cooking and it showed, she did it because the family needed a meal each day! She started this campaign of no longer serving leftovers, but serving "plan aheads." This term revisited me a couple of weeks ago when Sandra and I were going out, my mom would be serving the kids leftovers. "No, Chris, they are plan aheads," she alarmed me with her response. Semantics of a simple term with a powerful difference! Leftovers were the next day, plan aheads were the subsequent days after until they were gone! I began thinking, this term flashes back memories of having to force some food down, so I thought lets flip this memory on it's head. "Not my will but yours be done!"
I began to think about communication, a necessary part of life. Am I serving leftovers, plan aheads in my communicating with others?

Each Sunday I go to church, I hear a message, something communicated to me, to grow internally in me, challenging me to feed from it for a week or more. I find myself weeks later still feeding on these thoughts, this message continues to steep flavor into my life. I draw on the words fed to me, I use them in my communications, implement them and harvest results. I have been blessed with a communicator in my life who week after week is able to deliver this kind of "soul food." Pastor Steven (http://stevenfurtick.com) is able to wrap words around my heart with clarity and passion. Instilling a thirst to dig deeper, to ponder and grow in my walk. I have been taught by some incredible Pastor's, some serve so far over my head, garnished and plated with too much detail to be fed, I miss the meal entirely. I become satiated. Others are so diluted and stretched, I miss the significance, to be fed. Pastor Furtick is able to serve up the nutrition in such a way that I am always fed. For Pastor, he may be serving up "plan aheads" because it is feeding me so much for so long. For me I am enjoying the "leftovers" for days, weeks harvesting bounty from his servings, even more than the original meal, ..."for its roots went down to abundant waters." This is the ability to communicate, Ezekiel 31:4 (Whole Chapter) The waters nourished it, deep springs made it grow tall; their streams flowed all around its base and sent their channels to all the trees of the field.

Risen

It is an incredible experience to see the thirst of the people, people wanting to be closer to Him. To celebrate His Victory on the Cross, yesterday leaving an awesome worship experience, a day filled with hours of labor and celebration, I was driving back home and saw the Crosses outside churches draped with white cloth. Representing His victory on the Cross, the Risen Savior, an empty tomb and salvation for those that seek Him. This year far more impact on my life as I am able to better understand the pain and suffering He has endured, the sacrifice He has made. My life not just claiming Christ with my lips and denying Him with my lifestyle, walking with Him in all things.

Watching the people moving through the doors to worship, leaving changed, influenced by the cross, it was powerful to be a part of this day. When those coming to church, often as Pastor stated CEO's (Christmas, Easter Only), what was different this time....not the message of only the Victory of the Cross, the Easter story. Pastor challenged us to understand the relationship of our God, not believing in someone else's relationship, but ours. To develop this relationship intimately with Him, he is our Savior, our Salvation, our Victory over the strongholds in our lives. I witnessed what appeared to be a river flowing to the "Next Level" table to be given a bible and some other information for beginning a journey in Him. The people I met as I escorted them to the table, the stories I heard, the line I witnessed, these all proved a powerful testimony of the Hope in the Cross. This is the difference in my life today, for so many years I struggled to Faith based on others relationships in Him to find my floundering has produced a thirst for me to find mine in Him. My relationship in Him is the only gateway to true freedom and an authentic life based in Truth. My relationship in him is the only one to produce life changing power to break free from the bonds and chains that can hold me back from a life in him, from Victory based on the grace and suffering He has endured for me. Romans 8:17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Motor vehicle...spiritual condition

When behind the wheel are you confronted with the sudden realization, "your kids are in the car?" Or a patrolman is on the side of the road? A police car is behind you, worse still the blue lights flash. What does this bring to mind...remorse, anxiety, relief or what? I am one to squeeze many things into my day often without traffic considerations...appointments, deliveries, meetings, etc. I am progressively getting better with my timing, and the mindset behind the wheel, I have learned to call if I am running behind, rather than challenging the forces of physics, balancing other drivers and their inability to understand the importance of my mission!

I guess the only way to confront this honestly is to say I am learning to be more responsible. Less endangerment of others for my lack of time management. When you have children who pick up most everything, you really are challenged to remember how I act will sooner or later become public! I have begun to thank the patrolman, policing the streets for others. My heart does not drop when the blue lights suddenly come on behind me because I have done nothing wrong. There may always be the instantaneous "heart pound and adrenaline rush" when the lights come on, but it is balanced with the realization I am obeying the rules of the road. I am getting older, becoming more alert to my influences.

I remember when for the first time from the backseat while waiting at a traffic light comes, "come on stupid" or "hurry up Bozo." Reality and responsibility collide, I was the cause and condition for this statement from the mouthes of babes! Judgement and expectations stand in front of you at this moment, it was becoming an outward reflection of my actions. More important is the fact, this may be where I am not allowing God in, the part I am holding back. This area holding me back begins to festor and in an instant "rears its ugly head." I have to ask myself "are my outward actions reflecting my inward responses?" 2 Timothy 3:16-17 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. For me an understanding that corrections must be made daily, and often my lessons are learned by others as they reflect me!

If Jesus were...

I hope that this thought is not blasphemy! The other night I returned home, Sandra was watching American Idol. I personally am not into this (I feel the need to qualify), I suddenly had the thought what if Jesus was a judge on American Idol, worse still, who would Jesus be...Randy, Paula or Simon? Immediately I asked Sandra, I instantaneously knew it would not be Paula, perhaps this is where the blasphemy comes in! This falls on heels of Pastor Furtick's recent blog about hollow compliments (www.stevenfurtick.com). The content in which she bellows from what appears to be a half baked stupor, a desire to encourage, but falling short of substance, it is all fluff. Then, take Randy, communicating in a language that always leaves me saying, "what did he say," it is much like a combination of text message lingo and gibberish (from my day)! He poses his remarks to what it feels like to him, often constructive criticism, leaving some balance of dignity and encouragement. Simon, anyone having seen this show could easily say he's pompous, digging, tack less and often derogatory. Tearing and hurtful in presentation, bearing substance, using examples where something fell short.

No, Jesus was able in all things to use His character, to build and encourage, to challenge and change. Meeting every situation with the ability to impact those who were around him. A teacher able to reach everyone with authority, power, humility, respect and discipline, submitted to the Father. Fostering change, impacting those around Him.

I changed my thinking to "is this the way I approach situations?" Having substance and impact with humility. No, I all too often am like the "Idol judges," blending 1, 2 or 3 of their approaches falling short of the mark. Really having a minimal impact on change, or too much scarring impact on the situation, undermining encouragement and humility. Do I face life with judgement or humility? If the answer is judgement, I am limiting the power, "impact," unable to love. If it is humility then I ..."may bear fruit - fruit that will last." (John 15:16)

Housekeeping

We all share the need to at sometime use the restroom. Now this is not about that use, but the mindset. I work with 6 others, it never ceases to amaze me that every time (just about) I enter the restroom something needs to be restocked, the trifecta of simple needs come to mind, toilet tissue, paper towels and soap, let's not spill this over to the water bottle, that would really be pushing it. Not rocket science I realize, more so it is lack of thinking of others. For two weeks I experimented with a sign on the wall that read "Think of Others," oddly things in the restroom stayed neat and organized, well more than usual. No one wants to be in the position to suddenly realize one of these needs may not have been prepared for them. Left by another with just one square, hands dripping from the sink and no towels to dry......the point is made!

Inherent in my nature is to serve and think of others, this clearly is missing from some, but why? This is a reoccurring habit, or somehow a mindset of subservient instinct. Is this below some to serve others in this capacity? Is this because someone at home takes care of these needs for them? Why do some need to be reminded of this with a sign on the wall? The parable of teaching someone to fish rather than just giving them a fish comes to mind. See all of the basic needs are stocked in the restroom, the materials are present, all it takes is some degree of thinking of others, dare I say...caring for others. The net result is that I find myself empty handed! Every Friday, my routine brings me to the church office to pick things up for Sunday, I could just pick up my items and go on my way. What I do is make sure the refrigerator is filled with drinks, it just takes another 5 minutes from my day. Those little efforts make it easier for someone to do their thing, I walk away with the opportunity to make that possible, quietly serving.


The lesson for me in this.......do not just do what others do, make the extra efforts eventually perhaps the payoff of others serving others may happen by example or osmosis, not the point. The payoff may not happen, what I become because of these efforts in the process is more important. John 13 tells us of the Lord washing the disciples feet, "to have part of Him." The Lord continues (John 13:15) "I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you." Our Lord has shown through example how to serve, the bar has been set, never settle for mediocrity or what it takes to get by, nor that it is below me to serve even if I am the employer!

What's in your basket?

Sunday night I was filling in for another goalie before my game. I entered the locker room to find a couple of guys there. I had played for them before so I thought I knew most of them. We were in a locker room that had a flat panel TV hanging on the wall. It did not take long for someone to take a minute to see if they could turn the TV on, in this instance someone commented about playing a "porn." Now the locker room has 9 guys getting ready for a game, 6 of which were distracted by this conversation, 3 sat silently. I am proud to say my integrity was not questioned, nor distracted, I was 1 of the 3. This all was momentary, and happened in an instance, yet I noticed the 3 that sat silently on this conversation, instantly they are the ones I want to associate with, invest myself in. To think about the fact that any other suggestion could have been made, "let's see if the game is on" or something similar. What is disheartening was the statistic that suddenly appeared 66% of the men in this room were drawn to this place, to this conversation, to this thought initiated by one.

What does this have to do with life? A couple of things come to mind, first, I can not always insulate my surroundings. I must function in a fallen world, reality of life is that this has become acceptable conversation. The unfortunate point of this, it could have even been surrounded by believers, perhaps among believers the suggestion may not have been made aloud, easily the thought could have been distracting...silently. See this issue effects us all, Satan is an equal opportunity "seducer," he wishes to attack the moral fiber of the believer just as much as he wants to keep non believer gripped in the world fallen..."to hurt the Father."

Next, am I easily distracted by those around me? What am I doing to protect my heart and guard my thoughts? I recognize my weaknesses, acknowledge the strongholds in my life and seek counsel. I do not wish to fight this battle alone, that is where Satan has his best shot at me, together we stand strong. I seek righteousness, to soar on God's wings of grace and power.

What am I doing to flip this statistic on it's head? The buzzards don't hang around if there is nothing to feed on! This does not put me on a soap box to profess my faith, this may not be appropriate forum. I do acknowledge, "I sat silently," Paul declared that he was not worthy of the calling God had given him (1 Cor. 15:9-10), by God's grace we can also say, "I am what I am, and His grace to me was not without effect."

I do not always know who's around me, so I must act in an appropriate manner. I must guard my heart protecting the investment that has been made in me. I can not hide the light, I must let my light shine, that others may see........"Together we can win," I noticed the other 2 in the room who sat as I did, I know God empowers the righteous and a battle can be won together, no matter what the odds!

Finishing Strong

A few years ago I read a book called Finishing Strong by Stephen Farrar. In the first chapter the author raises a question, "who in your life is finishing strong?" Yesterday was an opportunity for me to stand in the presence of a man who is truly finishing strong. I had the pleasure of spending my morning assisting a true man dedicated to the move of God. Someone who has met many Presidents, Heads of State and powerful people. When I asked what the was the most memorable moments I thought of the people he has encountered in his life, his reply "to watch lives changed, tranformed by the Gospel....it has always been something to watch the Lord grab hold of the man who wears His heart." It was not the powerful people he met, it was the Power in people that had the opportunity to speak to him in a mighty way. He has served the Lord since a teenager, 60+ years serving as the music director for Billy Graham, countless lives changed, a true minister to the Spirit. These 3 men Billy Graham, Cliff Barrows and Bev Shea changed lives by simply following the call of God on their lives, complete surrender to the will of God. An example to me and the purpose in which I seek. I felt as though the 4-5 hours I spent with him was in the witness to an incredible man of God, the blessing was mine to serve him. I walked away from this time as if we had known each other for years, he knowing my life, the prayers and scripture that he shared, will impact and encourage my steps.
I share this moment because when I read the book "Finishing Strong" and was confronted with the question "who in your life...." I struggled to find one handful of men finishing strong, only to stand today surrounded by men finishing strong, following the move of God, harvesting hearts and tranforming lives through Christ. I thank you, Cliff for the time you have shared with me, the investment you have made in Him, the lives in which you have impacted through your service to the Kingdom. The faith in which you serve, heart in which you seek is a true testimony to the Joy of the journey, thank you for touching my life.

Unleashed

An awesome experience to have been a part of the Newspring Churches "Unleashed" Conference. This was incredible move of God to me, to see the building in which this mobile church was in, to now see their facilities, and to think they are in the process of expansion already. It was amazing 400+ volunteers filled with Spirit, power and energy, serving those coming into their church. Great day, great preaching and powerful testimony what God is doing with man following Him, not the people limiting the movement of God.
Here's an observation, we brought 150 people from Elevation Church to this event. We were dorned in Elevation attire, "t" shirts for this event. So picture a sea of blue moving through this event. Well after the day was over, somehow 148 people were able to find their way back to our buses. This means 2 people are missing, I leaned over to Sandra saying "I can understand the 148 missing 2, but the 2 missing 148?" To not have noticed this sea of movement, no one left you recognize. It started my thinking, what does this mean to me? We had just heard a message from Perry Noble earlier that morning of the brother of the Protical Son.
See my thoughts originally are they must be on another bus, yet no buses reported having them...so they were left behind, we turned around and sent out a search party! They were found, the search party returned, they were welcomed back, not scorned, not forsaken and not forgotten.
My lesson, "what around me am I missing, what little efforts am I not making, there must be a small part I am overlooking." There must be something close to me I am unable to see, obstructed by my line of sight, yet others can see that I must change. Search my heart that I may see more clearly all that is about me, I must welcome and embrace......

Grace, which one?

Last night while at my men's group came the Epiphany. We were discussing shame, the answer to shame, Grace. The power of the true understanding of Christ's blood having been shed for me. This group last night was a charge to me, rejuvenating, stimulating and convicting. His blood was shed over my "will." First, I Praise to Him for the ministry I serve, Second, the Pastoral integrity in which I learn.

We were talking around and reading from "Pure Desire" by Ted Roberts. In fact to pound home the facts of Pastor's message on "My Generation" this past Sunday, generational sin (www.stevenfurtick.com). That is a topic for another day.

Let me set this up better in the hopes of understanding, this may not make sense i will do the best I can!
Back to Grace, here is a thought that I wrote in the column of the book one of the last times we read this book. "Living in shame is to deny what Christ has done for me," The Grace in which He died for me. "Every time we think we have fully comprehended what was accomplished on the cross at Calvary, we discover an aspect of our lives that was redeemed there that we never realized. The Cross is infinite in its depth, because it is a total expression of God's grace to us in Christ."

Here is a thought that came out of this last night. "Grace by which I sin (allowing me to sin, because I am forgiven) & Grace in which I win."

Which Grace is it that I choose to live. By Grace we are forgiven, yes undeniable absolute truth. Our discussion goes on to someone struggling with a particular sin, reoccurring. This is not to point to him about this, it is to draw a parallel of my life. It is far too easy to blurt out the "I am forgiven" for my worldly behaviors, for falling...for failing to live my end of the Grace. In my life at one time I could justify or rationalize suicide. My point is I could talk myself anywhere and find justification. To minimize what has been done on my behalf (Isa. 53:5). I have to walk in complete understanding of my responsibility to the Cross. If I continue to accept falling short, accepting sin in my life (because I am forgiven)then I am limiting the power in which I profess to believe. This does not mean I am without sin, by no means, it means I am addressing my sin. I must understand I have been given hope to succeed. Col. 2:13-14 I have a standard in which I must strive, to be washed in His shed blood, "it was nailed to the cross."

"Grace in which I win" is how I pray that I may live. I pray that I have trudged through the forest to find this truth in my life. Not to accept mediocrity, to justify my behaviors, to know that I have the hope to walk free from the bondage of sin. To work the full and deep meaning of the sufferings of Christ on my behalf into the very fabric of my life. I must uphold my end of the Salvation, to know that I matter to Christ. I can not accept the world's standards of behavior. My bench mark of standard can not be focused on the world, it must be of the Grace provided by the Cross, at Gethsemane and a crown of thorns.

"God's most powerful weapon, Grace, has been cast aside in our efforts to be spiritually pure. The modern day Pharisee who focuses on avoiding sin is still focused on sin. In fact, he is little different from the person who is consumed by sin. Both are obsessed with sin - one to avoid it, the other to live in it." "Pure Desire" Dr. Ted Roberts

I can not live in shame of sin, for I have been set free.
I must live in the freedom by which He has suffer for me.
I choose to live by the Grace that has set me free,
this is what He wants from me.
Search my heart that I may find Your Grace in which to win
No longer may I set my sights on sin, to accept that I am forgiven
May I continue to grow & understand what you have done for me....

Hebrews 4:15-16 " .....we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

Are you a looker?

Are you a looker? I enjoy driving and I always pay attention to all around me. Just yesterday driving I saw an odd couple, a giant SUV, about as large as a passenger vehicle gets, as I eased forward to see knuckles on the wheel. Intrigued, I still moved forward to look to the left. As more of the person appeared in my line of sight, a hand was holding a drink. Fitting to the size of this vehicle, it looked to be 96 oz. cup, then to my surprise the woman driving it appeared. This was a massive Ford, power stroke diesel clacking away driven by ....a woman bearly tall enough to clear the dashboard, gray haired grandma. Just an odd couple! Just what I perceived, judging by the size of the vehicle, the drink being consumed only to find what I had received in my line of sight was not what I expected.

At another light days before someone off to my side I caught a glimpse of a driver wearing a old style chefs hat. You know the one from the Chef-Boy-R-Dee can, the puffy one. Immediately, I was thinking of who I expected to see behind the wheel. Only to see the driver, an Asian man appear under the hat. Just another odd couple.

Pulling up behind a vehicle all you can see is the head of the driver, no headrest visible. It was as if they were driving from the back seat. No the seat is dropped back to the sleeping position - full recline mode! Only to pull aside them to find someone clutching the wheel with all their might to keep themselves propped up. Is this not why the seat has a back? Some things I just will never understand!

There is an old saying the larger the truck the smaller the man.....The massive SUV on steroids. You know the one, tires as big as heavy equipment at a construction site. Looking as though it is 4 feet off the ground, poised for the next monster truck event. Jumping from the driver's side door, small parachute appearing for landing, hops a guy standing 4'10"!

So, is the reverse true? Perhaps. Fueling up one day I watch as a small convertible pulls up to the pump behind to me. Nothing visible but the body of a man in the windshield. Head above the visor level, width appearing as if he is a lineman on the football team. I expect that the man will have a balding ring on his head from chaffing on the roof of the convertible. Door opens.....what seems 30 seconds later all of the man steps out of the vehicle. It does not even seem the car large enough for his stature, a man standing an imposing 6'10"! Does it take a shoe horn to fit in back in?

Have you ever seem the person next to you missing one thing from their vehicle? They seem very distracted by something. The arms are moving, head adjusting, yet no hands appearing. Only to find as you get closer, they are cleaning the nose, knuckles deep! What they appear to be missing? Window tinting!

I enjoy the commercial of the person bending over in a store in the refrigerator section, all you see is the long hair, through the glass door. A guy comes around the corner and asks, "can I help you Miss?" Out comes the person, long flowing hair standing straight up to find it is a guy....why do I like this? Life is not as it always appears, it remains unpredictable. What I perceive is not always what I receive. What should I take away? Place no judgements on what is around me, be open minded because my limited line of sight creates an expectation, a prejudice. Life has nothing to do with my surroundings, it has to do with how I treat those around me.

Marriage

I have a blessed opportunity to share in day to day operations of a union with my wife. We are not only married, parents but we share our business together. Some would say this is not good to be this close, for the marriage sake. I profoundly disagree, see we are forced to know about all the areas of each others lives. We have lived through difficult times personally and professionally. The inevitable ebb and flow of life, our marriage is built on the foundations of communication. There are difficult times, yes, such as coming home from work and continue conversation of work, finances after hours if you will. Life does not stop at 6:00 p.m. and begin a new, it is all a part of the journey together.

When we were married about 6 months we took a bible study written by some friends, "Two Becoming One." We became very involved in this ministry, leading groups over time on this study. In the process of our involvement we have been exposed to many marriages, best of all marriages based in Christ centered marriage, set up for success. This was a saving grace in our lives, as we came from 2 very different backgrounds. Conflict resolution would be the first of the examples, when something was wrong, Sandra's approach was direct, face and discuss. Mine was a 180 degree difference, I need time to process before I respond. A couple of factors for my approach were, somehow in my life I developed the insulation factor of wounds, if I ignore it may go away. The other was I rarely would say something I would later have to apologize for, restraint of pen and tongue. We learned to work together understanding our differences and respecting the fact that we have 2 very different approaches. By no means mastered this, but we had begun steps in the right direction which have lead us to better communications. Still to this day, we approach with similar boundries, she is not frustrated by my process and I am not threatened by hers. The change for me is I am not prolonging or avoiding because of the scars of yesterday, no more maturely, I am processing. So this foundation is not to change the other, it is setting us up for success in understanding.

What I have begun to understand over time is that, this is what our children see, we are a union. Together we stand strong, we are breaking the bonds of generational sin. We are setting our children up for success in their relationships, more importantly showing them how marriage and communication works. It is not only the outward they see, but the inner working they percieve. Our marriage is a more cohesive foundation offering security, itegrity and stability based on Christ as the center of our marriage. To borrow from Pastor's message yesterday "if we never show Him, they can never know Him..." (http://www.stevenfurtick.com/, "my generation") I did not grow up in the understanding of security, my energy was spent insulating myself from the pains of what I saw, heard and percieved. We can not pass this on to our children, together Sandra and I have to focus on the fundamentals of Faith in our marriage. The first is the fundamental of communication.
I started this blog thinking my focus was how we work together, how working together offers us a deeper understanding of each other. Through writing I have found a deeper meaning of "how we work together..." the reasons in which we must grow closer to Him, more focused in our relationships with Christ. Two becoming one in Him.

Endless love

Dear, faithful and loving Chloe,

To you I write......... Ever since you were 8 weeks old you have brought so much love and devotion into my heart. Never as much as a whimper or complaint, you seem so very happy. Your expression was to me a smile, never short of amazing how your excitement filled my life. You never required more than nourishment, yet you always knew what you should give, just that extra touch. Each and every day you greeted me with your attention when I returned. You could turn the darkest of days to a wonderful memory. You run to the car, jumped in, always at the ready, "let's go" you showed. You have always been what you are, never living in pretense. Your personality was a dream, easy and laid back. You never had to be restrained, you took the lead and never wandered. Even as Kim took you into uncharted grounds, you frolicked and forged the way, "exploring." You always protected those who love you, determined to stand this ground. Yet your nature was to love, well disciplined and peaceful. I've enjoyed each and every day, your attention and love.
I remember most the trips to the beach. You lay on the shoreline, facing away from the water. Waves washing over your back, wondering "what just happened, again." This memory blazoned into my heart.

A wounded warrior I sit. The pain of reality and our mortality collide as this inevitable moment in time has come. As tears fill in my eyes, I think of what you've been.... a friend never faltering from the love you bring. You fill my heart, joy I will sing when I think of you.

Dear Chloe, our time has passed, today has brought such pain.

Though I know that for today you no longer strain
I rejoice for your precious memories will never wain
all you given, the love you've shown far out weigh the pain of today.
Lord, I thank you for the time we've shared, the blessings flowed from the love she's shown.

For she is yours and one day we shall unite...perhaps another walk along the shore....
My love for you will endure....

Fond memories, endless love, our dog has passed

Just an observation!

One thing that I really enjoy is watching people, just observing things, patterns, habits or whatever. Let this be a warning to you! Sometimes I floor Sandra with the little trinkets, tidbits I observe. For instance, did you know that I have yet to see someone eat a taco without adjusting their head almost 90 degrees in one direction? Or that you can tell if they are left or right handed in the same process of observation? Perhaps, it comes from too many Hardy Boy mysteries as a child, I have to observe the little things.
Well, last night we went to the kids school for a "Night of old time hymns and patriotic tunes." For me this is like giving me a copy of Old King James Version, and telling me to enjoy! Yes, I can get something from it, but it makes my back hurt!
Well, Sandra and I neither are those parents that celebrate these events. We do truly enjoy being together and making the most of the situation, we put our heads together and observed.....

This event started with the TK & K kids all the way through the 5th graders. And let's not forget the beginners band, medley! The kids are cute and fun to watch, (even the one with his finger in his nose), those who are truly into this singing thing. Some dressed for the black tie event others disheveled. Some comfortable in front of an audience, others bashful. The fun thing is as the ages escalated, the same personalities disclose themselves, but now you add the embarrassment of their parents. No, not the parents embarrassed, but the embarrassment their parents bring to them.

The kids seem completely oblivious, some sing, others find something that grips their focus, attention to say the carpet or music stand, etc. Then you get to the ones, who given a chance to would grab that mic and take it away. Bellowing the "hymns of old" with all the vigor, undeniably getting God's attention!

The beginners band sets up to to fundamentally test the musical prowess of carrying a tune! As every instrument discloses the talents in which it really takes to play. As the reeds flatly miss, the sax plays the sour note and the flute sounds like nails on a chalk board, we cringe.
No, it is not these observations, it is the parents. Each and every time we attend these events, we take note of the way parents behave. As I leaned in towards Sandra, I asked "are these the events we should be capturing on camera?" A parent is easily read, their child comes on stage and suddenly we are transported to some sort of game show and the 15 minutes of fame.
Some will make their way almost to the stage to catch that moment in time with a photographic image, completely ignoring others that may wish for a picture of their child. (These are the ones at Disney that will push your child out of the line to get a quick pic of "johnny" and some character after you've waited in line for what seems like hours for the same opportunity).

Others who now have a production team of granny and papa, aunts, uncles and themselves producing the videos that one day will be a part of the "American Idol" retrospective of their lives to this point on stage. The wide angle shot begins with everyone, then zooming in on their focus, "their child." 3 1/2 minutes of nauseating moving video. I just watch the view finder from their video cameras, suddenly feel as though I have to close my eyes from this motion sickness!
All these moments in time "captured" forever, only to be tossed into a draw to buried by the next event! Or to be pulled out at the next dinner party for all to enjoy.
Other parents were sitting there, talking among themselves. Carrying on a conversations throughout the entire event. Not even acknowledging the "drama" happening all around them. This is an opportunity to "catch up."

I think the parents we enjoyed watching the most were the ones in the rows in front of us. These were three couples who had to get their child's attention. It was like the old "Let's make a Deal" with Monty Hall. Monty would walk through the audience and find the crazed person flailing arms, signs to get his notice, anything that would get a glimpse from him. These parents were doing everything, but standing on the pew and "hooting and hollering." Mostly to no success, as Sandra now leaned in "do they not understand the lights make it hard for them to see them?" No, they continued for this length of time flapping their wings, clown smiles on their faces, heads leaning in together to find out if their child is looking into their view finder! Only to find the delay from digital imaging to have missed the brief instance of their glance. So they start the whole attention getting actions again! And don't you know, they always have more than one child!

Or the parent with the camera phone, focusing in on the "moment" from 50 feet away! This ought to be an image out of focus to look back on and remember when....! Pointing out that blur in the picture is my child!

Not the dream date for either of us, we made the best of it. Joking about all the things happening around us. Hoping not to miss a minute of the pageantry of parents all around us. Reluctantly enjoying the sweet sounds of kids, singing their hearts out. Celebrating through song, the innocence and joy only a child can display. Music is a wonderful thing, even if it is out of tune!
Sandra and I both were drawn to the memory of our youngest, when at another one of these events (preschool) was holding both sides of her dress, clutched in her hands. There she was singing on "stage" with her dress pulled up to her face! Ah, yes we both laughed remembering that moment in time. And Coley, I just want you to know we have this picture captured forever. Not just in our hearts, but we did have a camera!

Form vs. Function

Help me to refine this thought, Form is what God gives me, who I am in Him, how He blesses me. For me it is my hands, a desire to serve, create from an idea to fruition. God has given me great form, good health, good looks (relative!), an ability to see...a vision. God has an intention for my Form, how He wants to use me. This I earnestly seek, please hear my prayers Lord. Complete me that I may with whole heart seek your kingdom, wisdom and purpose.
Function is how I use what He has given me. How do I function for Him. Today I had a friend call me, he is young, struggling with having a heart for God and the desire to get "high." I have been here at this crossroad many times. The place where a decision can change the road in which I am on, service or self seeking. In a strange way it is like holding a gun, to pull the trigger in an instance the outcome can be unclear, changed forever. So the smart thing would be to not pick up the gun, tough for an addict to choose. To those without the noose of addiction tightening around their neck to understand. It just will not make sense, it is obvious. God has a direction of the function in my life, to reflect His form.
I have been recovering from minor surgery to remove basel cell carcinoma, catching the flu during the recovery process. Making it more difficult to feel better, now I do. Praise God, I felt better Sunday after really feeling crappy for 4 days prior. I was able to serve, take care of my responsibilites at church, rest for the opportunity to get back to work. It is so very hard to miss time from work for a number of reasons. By refining my function empowering those who work with me, being a better leader I had hoped that others would really step up in my absense and take charge. This did not happen, This is a blog for another day, expectations! Yet things got done, people understood, I needed to recover... just telling the truth and laying it on the line as it is, things are ok. So really people were there for me, especially my devoted loving wife and children.
But let me get back to this phone call, in the midst of getting back to work and catching up. I had 2 ways of facing this phone call. I am busy and not allowing the time this friend needed, or I can meet this outreaching from him with the trust and devotion God wants me to meet him with. My function at this moment was to listen, pray with him and share the goodness of how God has truly moved me from self destructive disfunction to restore the function through His spirit. God I thank you for this moment in time to remember how you believe in me throughout the process of life. This is really what life is about, the maturing process, the decisions I must make on a daily basis of what my priorities really are, putting the tires to the road. I am ready for the waters to rush over me, cleanse all of me that I may glorify the form You've placed inside of me. That my function may bless the form (and form) my life to Glorify Your Spirit that dwells within me!
Continue in me the Form in which you refine my function to serve You and those You've placed around me.
If my heart seeks to serve, may my actions speak on Your behalf.